Change Happens

Life is Beautiful

All things change...

some things for the good and others, well not so much.

But they are always changing.

I try to keep myself protected from this change.

I try to cover my heart with fire resistant material, yet to no avail.

I am not protecting myself when I do this. As I cover myself up and hold it all in I can not grow. I instead fester in my selfishness.

Lord change my hearts perspective. Teach me to be open to change and to bless others as I have to grow, that my branches would provide shade, and beauty to those around me. Let me shine your love.

God let my roots be grounded deep into your soil, so that I may be strong. Let me be willing and that it be natural to soak in your presence.

Love,

Your daughter.

Gratitude.

Good afternoon.

I am amazed at Gods absolute grace toward me.

He puts up with me as I complain my way through life... I think that He is trying to teach me though. That I will need to do all things without complaining.

Right now, my life is not too much fun, but God continues to provide for me... I am not working as a nurse, but I have a job to go to every day, and people in my life. I have food in my belly, and to my amazement a roof over my head, none of my bills are late quite yet, and I am hopeful that a pay check will be on its way soon.

When I was working and making a more comfortable living, I was constantly complaining... I was trying to find fulfillment out of my job, instead of looking for it in the Lord, I knew that I was doing this, and still somehow unable to "fix" the problem that I was facing. My God is all knowing though, and took me out of the position that I was in, humbling me so that I was forced to look to Him.

He teaches those He loves. This I cling to, knowing that I will one day... day by day, look to Him for all that I need, and showing others their need as well.

All in all,

God is good. Despite my circumstances, despite me, God is good, because He is God.

Philippians 2

¹² Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, ¹³for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

¹⁴ Do everything without grumbling or arguing, ¹⁵ so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”^[c] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky ¹⁶ as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. ¹⁷ But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. ¹⁸So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

Stages

Well, I am looking inside today.

I am staying with my grandmother this weekend, and she has just broken her hip about three months ago. Before this accident, she was walking around without a walker... She is fighting the idea of having to use the walker for the rest of her life. I feel that at times I have a hard time thinking about my life and how I will ever be in a place of responsibility and that I will never be able to go back to a care free life, playing basket ball on the weekends with my brother, and eating banana splits.

Life is full of stages. We all have a choice to either embrace where we are or, fight tooth and nail against the inevitable.

Change is something that will always be with us.

Growing up I would work with older people... I would always say, "when I get older, I want to grow old gracefully.." Well, the more that I live I realize that growing old is something that we do every day.

I pray that today I will begin this journey of growing old will begin, and I will be found doing it gracefully.

Please remind me how attractive it is to be content with the place that I am in life.

Storms

Some days/times in life I feel like I am in a storm.

I love storms though... it is gray outside and all the plants look extra green, you can see big clouds and the heavens are opening up... God is crying on his people. I believe that rain heals the land, and tears heal my soul. When ever it rains, I feel that God is sympathizing with me, crying with me, if you will. Storms also come with intense wind. When the wind rips though my clothes, I feel that I am vulnerable to it, and God himself is touching me, hugging me, forcing me to realize my humanity.

That would be the way that this time of my life feels.

All the things that I have at one time found security in have disappeared. My job, soon my home, and independence, most of my friends have dispersed..... Even though I feel completely vulnerable, I know that the rain heals, and I will grow with the nourishment it brings. And that even thought it is hard to have the wind rip though my heart, I will be closer to Him because I will have a chance to let God be real to me, I can show him my vulnerabilities, and insecurities.

I don't know what the next step in my life will be, but I know that God has my back. I hope that i will be changed by His grace, and my purpose would be found in Him and Him alone.

Lord, please change my heart to beat with yours... Let me see you in a new light. Help me to trust. Thank you for your peace. Show me how to love. Let me love you well.

Submission

I am frustrated.  Why do I have such a hard time continuing on in this walk we call life.

It seems impossible to stay on the path of truth. I know that I can not do this without God... But what is my responsibility in this thing called life. I really want to change. I want my life to become more reflective of the Lord and his desire on my life... How? How do I balance my desire to change myself, perfect myself, and allow the Lord to do a work in my life.  Why can I not seem to give the Lord my heart and life wholly? 

I can recognize things that need to be changed. But it seems like that is as far as I get in the changing process... 

Lord, please help me learn how to submit to you. Teach me what I need to do in order to change, and show me what part you need to change due to my humanity. 

VITAL SIGNS!

As a nursing student, I always have nursing on the brain...

The other morning I was able to relax, because I made myself, and was reading a book for "fun"!

The book is about spiritual discipleship. One part of the book had the word vital. It was talking about how God needs to be vital in our lives. How we need to have a devotion to Christ that is vital to our survival.

Because I see the word vital everyday in the hospital, I associate the word with vital signs: Blood pressure, pulse, respirations, and temperature. 

Now I will explain how God spoke to me through a silly thought process of a nursing student.

Blood pressure is the force that the heart imposes on the vessels, as well at the hearts ability to perfuse the system with blood. This is a big component in staying alive. 

So, spiritually speaking, is my "heart" strong enough to keep me spiritually alive? Am I allowing God's heart to to pump into my life? Is He perfusing me? Is His love flowing through my veins?

Pulse is the test that we use to see if our extremities are being nourished with blood. There actually is a heart rhythm in which the electrical part of the heart is working, but the mechanical part of the heart is not. This is a pulseless rhythm. So it may have the most beautiful heart rhythm, but if there is no blood pumping out because of a faulty heart muscle, then you will not feel a pulse, and the extremities will not be filled with circulating blood.

So, spiritually speaking.... I could have all the right actions, and be doing all the right things, but if my hands and feet are not warm and full of Gods spirit, those actions mean nothing. Can others be touched my warm hands? I am being effective, and not just looking effective? 

Respirations are important to monitor as a nurse. The process is so natural. Breathing in and out. People rely on their ability to breath. They rely on their being enough oxygen in the air to keep there cells alive and able to work. When the oxygen goes into our lungs and reaches the avoli (lung tissue) at the bases of our lungs, there is an exchange. Oxygen enters the circulating blood and CO2 enters the lungs. This is a natural process...

Am I breathing? relying on God 100% ? If I am breathing in the word of God, it should be a natural thing for me to blow off prayer and blessings. In the body it takes more work to breath the air out than to take it in.  There is a negative pressure that is made when air is blown out, so there needs to be something to fill that negative pressure. 

It is easy to read the word of God, but it takes work to bless others. Am I breathing effectively? In and out?

Temperature is something that we measure as nurses. Temp is an indicator of how hard our body is working. When our bodies are invaded by bacteria, our body works rather hard to fight off that problem. This is a good thing, to an extent, but if our body works too hard and our metabolic rate increases too much, permeant damage may occur. This is when the doctor will give an antibiotic, to help the body kick the bug. 

In my life, I need the warning sign that I am working too hard to fight off my own problems. My "temp" rises, and in my own efforts, I can create damage. But I have recently been reminded that the only one who can really change the outcome of certain circumstances, is God (my antibiotic.)

Am I fighting the battle, or am I having God fight on my behalf? Am I trusting that the antibiotic will actually help? Or am I convinced that I can handle it on my own?

These are the thoughts that go through my mind when I think Vital! I need to remember how vital God is to my life. 

I am full of uncertainties.

I don't know where I am going to live in three weeks, I am going to be working with psyciatric patients, and I don't know where I am going to get the money to go to school. 

I am overwhelmed with all the options I have that are being presented to me, and confused by the fact that none of them have a concrete bottom.

I am tired beyond belief. And I can't fall asleep.

I am ceritan of only one thing. God is love. He knows what my tomorrow holds. He knows. He knows where I will rest my head in three weeks, and where I will rest it in three years. He knows. Why do I fret when I know him and I know that the God of the universe has this whole thing worked out? 

 

Lord please help me to rest in your arms toning. Help me know that you do know. 

I love you. Thank you for loving me even when I do not trust.