Chist Loves ME!!?

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength and all your mind.

Man, these last couple months have been difficult.

You think that you know God, and then everything seems to change... or you just realize that the way you have always thought about the Lord is different than who he is. Maybe he really is more full of grace than you realize, and maybe his love is defined not by who you are, or how lovable you are, but because he choses to see you at your weakest moment and deem you lovely.
In the midst of my grime and grit, he still loves me.

I am trying to make a huge decision... a decision that I have tried for a good 6 months to avoid, and the last 2 months trying to put on someone else. Sometimes God is asking me to make the decision.
Do you think that God will make it for me? Will he somehow reach down and walk me in the way that I am supposed to go?

Never knew I could love someone so much, or feel as cherished as I have. How is it that I am supposed to give up? How do I turn my back on someone who has done nothing but show Christ's love to me? How do I do that? Is that what God would ask? Is that what I would be "wise" to do?

Marriage is a huge step. It is scary... full of unknowns, there are no guarantees. He could stop loving me... I could stop loving him. He could leave, or we could have a life that is hard, and unproductive, or full of struggle... I keep living in what if land. What if he is not "the one" for me? What if God could have used me better if I leave him and find someone else... or not get married.

He is not perfect, nor am I.

What is the point of marriage? I think that I have heard about as many reasons for marriage as there are people alive... What does God say??

Married people are supposed to be a picture of the church and Christ. We are supposed to be an example, a picture, in the flesh of the relationship that we have with our Father in heaven.
Marriage is to make us holy and not happy... so says our premarital bible study.

So, am I afraid of the process of becoming holy? is there really a right person? cause, I will never be the  "right" person, that if for sure. I think that I am trying to clean myself up before I feel ready, and expecting the same of the Mr. How is that a picture of the church? Jesus calls me to himself, just like I am. He is not one to leave me where I am at, but desires to have me come close to him, and be cleaned by spending time with him, obeying him, and asking him to help me as I change more into the person that he calls me to be.

How do you accept someone as they are totally and completely? How do I accept myself as I am? How do I accept that God sees me and loves me as I am? We are not good enough... yet he loves.

How do you know if God is closing the door? or telling you to move on?
I would guess if there was some known sin? or something that God was convicting us about?
Not just a voice that tells me to "let him go", without a reason. Or is having a faith in the Lord, listening to that voice not knowing why or having a reason. Will God honor that choice?
My heart wants nothing more than to obey what God is saying to me... I guess I am just confused.

Will continue to pray. Pray that God would be giving me peace, and trust in him. Pray that I will be willing to give up even the one here on earth that I love the most, if that is what he is asking me to do. Pray that I will be willing to face this relationship and God head on trusting that He will work thru it, and grow and groom me into the person that He wants me to be. Being willing to grow through the hard things, and not just turn and run. That I would be willing to communicate my heart and desires, share in dreams, and grow with someone on earth so that we may show others a bit of heaven and grace and the amazing gift that God has given human kind.

Pray with me and for me. There are so many marriages that are under attack. No wonder. Satan has to hate the relationships that are actually modeling the picture of the Church and Christ. It is to show our total need for salvation, shows our deep need to be accepted and pursued, and cherished.
Pray for all the marriages that value the picture that they are to paint for the world. They don't have to have it all together... Christ is full of grace. The more that we know Christ, the better we are at showing grace.

Thank you Lord for your grace toward us as humans. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you that you accept me, and then take the time to mold me into who you want me to be.
Amen.