Matthew 10:39

Man... life is so full of confusion.

I sit here and feel like life is just happening all around me, and I just get to watch. 

I wonder how people get off living without Jesus. Hope is lost otherwise. My hope would be lost today if that were the case. There really is not one reason to really live if Jesus is not apart of your life. 

Dont get me wrong... I am not suicidal. I do see the joys of life. 

But...  

I think about the things that I love the most in the world: flowers, and bugs, fresh air and sunshine, rain and green plants...the beauty of color and design... the wrinkled hands of my patients, the smell of a loved ones presence, the taste of warm ginger tea, the feeling of making someone smile, or feel loved. All these things make life, life. 
We live in a tangible world full of taste, sight, smell, touch. 
Yet we all know that there is something more. Something deeper. We have souls, emotions, and hormones.You can't see them or feel them or taste them. 

The only One that can truly make us feel alive is the One who can reach into the heart, feel around, see its grime and slime, see our hatred, and selfishness, and pride, and bitterness and fear... and upon seeing all of it tell me that He cares, He will die for me. He accepts. He holds me and places value on me. Embracing me as I am. He knows my core. He knows what I am made of.... I can't run away from Him to the point that He forgets about me. He is patient. He won't force Himself on me. He won't make me choose Him or love Him, but He wants me to. He wants me to want Him. He has a direction for my life. He wants to lead me and guide me. He wants to protect me and hold me close to his heart. He wants to watch me grow and be apart of that process. 

A relationship with Jesus doesn't have strings attached. I can't hurt His feelings with my little gestures. I can't push him so far away that I know I can never come back to Him. He grants me total security. Security to screw life up. Security to know that if I do choose him, it is always the right choice. 

The question is... will I choose Him? Will I let Him be the lover of my soul? Will I be vulnerable with Him? Will I follow Him? Will I surrender to Him? 
Will I make Him LORD?

This is not a choice that you choose once. He will be your savior the first time you ask Him to rescue you from a pointless world and a pointless future and He never backs down on His side of the covenant... 

But the choice that must be reinstated each day is one of Lordship. 
It is a daily surrender. 
A daily death to desire. 
A daily loss.

 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. 
Matthew 10:39.