Chist Loves ME!!?

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength and all your mind.

Man, these last couple months have been difficult.

You think that you know God, and then everything seems to change... or you just realize that the way you have always thought about the Lord is different than who he is. Maybe he really is more full of grace than you realize, and maybe his love is defined not by who you are, or how lovable you are, but because he choses to see you at your weakest moment and deem you lovely.
In the midst of my grime and grit, he still loves me.

I am trying to make a huge decision... a decision that I have tried for a good 6 months to avoid, and the last 2 months trying to put on someone else. Sometimes God is asking me to make the decision.
Do you think that God will make it for me? Will he somehow reach down and walk me in the way that I am supposed to go?

Never knew I could love someone so much, or feel as cherished as I have. How is it that I am supposed to give up? How do I turn my back on someone who has done nothing but show Christ's love to me? How do I do that? Is that what God would ask? Is that what I would be "wise" to do?

Marriage is a huge step. It is scary... full of unknowns, there are no guarantees. He could stop loving me... I could stop loving him. He could leave, or we could have a life that is hard, and unproductive, or full of struggle... I keep living in what if land. What if he is not "the one" for me? What if God could have used me better if I leave him and find someone else... or not get married.

He is not perfect, nor am I.

What is the point of marriage? I think that I have heard about as many reasons for marriage as there are people alive... What does God say??

Married people are supposed to be a picture of the church and Christ. We are supposed to be an example, a picture, in the flesh of the relationship that we have with our Father in heaven.
Marriage is to make us holy and not happy... so says our premarital bible study.

So, am I afraid of the process of becoming holy? is there really a right person? cause, I will never be the  "right" person, that if for sure. I think that I am trying to clean myself up before I feel ready, and expecting the same of the Mr. How is that a picture of the church? Jesus calls me to himself, just like I am. He is not one to leave me where I am at, but desires to have me come close to him, and be cleaned by spending time with him, obeying him, and asking him to help me as I change more into the person that he calls me to be.

How do you accept someone as they are totally and completely? How do I accept myself as I am? How do I accept that God sees me and loves me as I am? We are not good enough... yet he loves.

How do you know if God is closing the door? or telling you to move on?
I would guess if there was some known sin? or something that God was convicting us about?
Not just a voice that tells me to "let him go", without a reason. Or is having a faith in the Lord, listening to that voice not knowing why or having a reason. Will God honor that choice?
My heart wants nothing more than to obey what God is saying to me... I guess I am just confused.

Will continue to pray. Pray that God would be giving me peace, and trust in him. Pray that I will be willing to give up even the one here on earth that I love the most, if that is what he is asking me to do. Pray that I will be willing to face this relationship and God head on trusting that He will work thru it, and grow and groom me into the person that He wants me to be. Being willing to grow through the hard things, and not just turn and run. That I would be willing to communicate my heart and desires, share in dreams, and grow with someone on earth so that we may show others a bit of heaven and grace and the amazing gift that God has given human kind.

Pray with me and for me. There are so many marriages that are under attack. No wonder. Satan has to hate the relationships that are actually modeling the picture of the Church and Christ. It is to show our total need for salvation, shows our deep need to be accepted and pursued, and cherished.
Pray for all the marriages that value the picture that they are to paint for the world. They don't have to have it all together... Christ is full of grace. The more that we know Christ, the better we are at showing grace.

Thank you Lord for your grace toward us as humans. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you that you accept me, and then take the time to mold me into who you want me to be.
Amen.

People impact me.

People impact you.

Wether we wish them to or not, we all effect each other to some extent.

Lord, please, let my life be one that blesses and uplifts others. I am so sorry when I hurt instead of help. Teach me to love you, more than I would love myself.

amen.

Touch

Sitting at the bedside of dying people is my job. I am a hospice nurse.

It is a conversation stopper, and a "oh, it takes a special person to do that" comment,

whenever I am asked what I do for a living...

Both of these reactions make me uncomfortable.

EVERYone dies... just in the case that you didn't realize that.

So why do we gingerly step around the subject, or feel weird about it? And why do people think that that would take a special person? For goodness sake, anyone could sit with an outstretched hand to someone... Aren't we all dying?

Today I was able to sit with a little italian lady. She would babble in italian, and even though I spent three months in Italy when I was young, the only word that I could make out was, grazie (thank you). She had fallen twice yesterday, and had a bruised orbital area, as well as a couple stitches. She also must have tried to catch herself as she was falling because she also had a purple hand/wrist.

As I was sitting there doing my nursing assessment, I reached out for her hand.

As I held it I prayed for her aloud, asking God to bless her. When I tried to remove my hand, she would not let go.

How many people are desperate? in need of a simple touch? Who need love?

We have the answer fellow Christians!!! Why, why am I so reluctant to love?

Real love is being willing to tell others the truth.

God made each and every one of us special.

No one is alike.

We each have an area of influence.. at least that is what they say.

I have seen it over and again, how we all affect each other.

Why not take a moment to think about how much Christ has saved us from, and then actually respond.

Speak that truth in love.

From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:

“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;

the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”

1 cor 1:18-19

There are great monuments in life. Things that we look forward to or look back on and say,

"Wow."

Either we say this in relief or disbelief, or in great revelation.

How often do I think that milstones are the moments that life is made of... yet the every day things are soon forgotten. How my heart longs to accomplish something great, to reach for the starts! Yet I forget that although all these things that are milestones, really are not the important things. It is all the little things in between, the character that God chooses to grow in us along the way, that, is what is important. My attitude toward the cross.

What does it all really mean... or even matter?

Lord let me remember that you command my destiny. Teach me to rest in your arms of love, knowing that you will lead, if I choose to follow....

Change Happens

Life is Beautiful

All things change...

some things for the good and others, well not so much.

But they are always changing.

I try to keep myself protected from this change.

I try to cover my heart with fire resistant material, yet to no avail.

I am not protecting myself when I do this. As I cover myself up and hold it all in I can not grow. I instead fester in my selfishness.

Lord change my hearts perspective. Teach me to be open to change and to bless others as I have to grow, that my branches would provide shade, and beauty to those around me. Let me shine your love.

God let my roots be grounded deep into your soil, so that I may be strong. Let me be willing and that it be natural to soak in your presence.

Love,

Your daughter.

Gratitude.

Good afternoon.

I am amazed at Gods absolute grace toward me.

He puts up with me as I complain my way through life... I think that He is trying to teach me though. That I will need to do all things without complaining.

Right now, my life is not too much fun, but God continues to provide for me... I am not working as a nurse, but I have a job to go to every day, and people in my life. I have food in my belly, and to my amazement a roof over my head, none of my bills are late quite yet, and I am hopeful that a pay check will be on its way soon.

When I was working and making a more comfortable living, I was constantly complaining... I was trying to find fulfillment out of my job, instead of looking for it in the Lord, I knew that I was doing this, and still somehow unable to "fix" the problem that I was facing. My God is all knowing though, and took me out of the position that I was in, humbling me so that I was forced to look to Him.

He teaches those He loves. This I cling to, knowing that I will one day... day by day, look to Him for all that I need, and showing others their need as well.

All in all,

God is good. Despite my circumstances, despite me, God is good, because He is God.

Philippians 2

¹² Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, ¹³for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

¹⁴ Do everything without grumbling or arguing, ¹⁵ so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”^[c] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky ¹⁶ as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. ¹⁷ But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. ¹⁸So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

Stages

Well, I am looking inside today.

I am staying with my grandmother this weekend, and she has just broken her hip about three months ago. Before this accident, she was walking around without a walker... She is fighting the idea of having to use the walker for the rest of her life. I feel that at times I have a hard time thinking about my life and how I will ever be in a place of responsibility and that I will never be able to go back to a care free life, playing basket ball on the weekends with my brother, and eating banana splits.

Life is full of stages. We all have a choice to either embrace where we are or, fight tooth and nail against the inevitable.

Change is something that will always be with us.

Growing up I would work with older people... I would always say, "when I get older, I want to grow old gracefully.." Well, the more that I live I realize that growing old is something that we do every day.

I pray that today I will begin this journey of growing old will begin, and I will be found doing it gracefully.

Please remind me how attractive it is to be content with the place that I am in life.