Stages

Well, I am looking inside today.

I am staying with my grandmother this weekend, and she has just broken her hip about three months ago. Before this accident, she was walking around without a walker... She is fighting the idea of having to use the walker for the rest of her life. I feel that at times I have a hard time thinking about my life and how I will ever be in a place of responsibility and that I will never be able to go back to a care free life, playing basket ball on the weekends with my brother, and eating banana splits.

Life is full of stages. We all have a choice to either embrace where we are or, fight tooth and nail against the inevitable.

Change is something that will always be with us.

Growing up I would work with older people... I would always say, "when I get older, I want to grow old gracefully.." Well, the more that I live I realize that growing old is something that we do every day.

I pray that today I will begin this journey of growing old will begin, and I will be found doing it gracefully.

Please remind me how attractive it is to be content with the place that I am in life.

Storms

Some days/times in life I feel like I am in a storm.

I love storms though... it is gray outside and all the plants look extra green, you can see big clouds and the heavens are opening up... God is crying on his people. I believe that rain heals the land, and tears heal my soul. When ever it rains, I feel that God is sympathizing with me, crying with me, if you will. Storms also come with intense wind. When the wind rips though my clothes, I feel that I am vulnerable to it, and God himself is touching me, hugging me, forcing me to realize my humanity.

That would be the way that this time of my life feels.

All the things that I have at one time found security in have disappeared. My job, soon my home, and independence, most of my friends have dispersed..... Even though I feel completely vulnerable, I know that the rain heals, and I will grow with the nourishment it brings. And that even thought it is hard to have the wind rip though my heart, I will be closer to Him because I will have a chance to let God be real to me, I can show him my vulnerabilities, and insecurities.

I don't know what the next step in my life will be, but I know that God has my back. I hope that i will be changed by His grace, and my purpose would be found in Him and Him alone.

Lord, please change my heart to beat with yours... Let me see you in a new light. Help me to trust. Thank you for your peace. Show me how to love. Let me love you well.