Submission

I am frustrated.  Why do I have such a hard time continuing on in this walk we call life.

It seems impossible to stay on the path of truth. I know that I can not do this without God... But what is my responsibility in this thing called life. I really want to change. I want my life to become more reflective of the Lord and his desire on my life... How? How do I balance my desire to change myself, perfect myself, and allow the Lord to do a work in my life.  Why can I not seem to give the Lord my heart and life wholly? 

I can recognize things that need to be changed. But it seems like that is as far as I get in the changing process... 

Lord, please help me learn how to submit to you. Teach me what I need to do in order to change, and show me what part you need to change due to my humanity. 

VITAL SIGNS!

As a nursing student, I always have nursing on the brain...

The other morning I was able to relax, because I made myself, and was reading a book for "fun"!

The book is about spiritual discipleship. One part of the book had the word vital. It was talking about how God needs to be vital in our lives. How we need to have a devotion to Christ that is vital to our survival.

Because I see the word vital everyday in the hospital, I associate the word with vital signs: Blood pressure, pulse, respirations, and temperature. 

Now I will explain how God spoke to me through a silly thought process of a nursing student.

Blood pressure is the force that the heart imposes on the vessels, as well at the hearts ability to perfuse the system with blood. This is a big component in staying alive. 

So, spiritually speaking, is my "heart" strong enough to keep me spiritually alive? Am I allowing God's heart to to pump into my life? Is He perfusing me? Is His love flowing through my veins?

Pulse is the test that we use to see if our extremities are being nourished with blood. There actually is a heart rhythm in which the electrical part of the heart is working, but the mechanical part of the heart is not. This is a pulseless rhythm. So it may have the most beautiful heart rhythm, but if there is no blood pumping out because of a faulty heart muscle, then you will not feel a pulse, and the extremities will not be filled with circulating blood.

So, spiritually speaking.... I could have all the right actions, and be doing all the right things, but if my hands and feet are not warm and full of Gods spirit, those actions mean nothing. Can others be touched my warm hands? I am being effective, and not just looking effective? 

Respirations are important to monitor as a nurse. The process is so natural. Breathing in and out. People rely on their ability to breath. They rely on their being enough oxygen in the air to keep there cells alive and able to work. When the oxygen goes into our lungs and reaches the avoli (lung tissue) at the bases of our lungs, there is an exchange. Oxygen enters the circulating blood and CO2 enters the lungs. This is a natural process...

Am I breathing? relying on God 100% ? If I am breathing in the word of God, it should be a natural thing for me to blow off prayer and blessings. In the body it takes more work to breath the air out than to take it in.  There is a negative pressure that is made when air is blown out, so there needs to be something to fill that negative pressure. 

It is easy to read the word of God, but it takes work to bless others. Am I breathing effectively? In and out?

Temperature is something that we measure as nurses. Temp is an indicator of how hard our body is working. When our bodies are invaded by bacteria, our body works rather hard to fight off that problem. This is a good thing, to an extent, but if our body works too hard and our metabolic rate increases too much, permeant damage may occur. This is when the doctor will give an antibiotic, to help the body kick the bug. 

In my life, I need the warning sign that I am working too hard to fight off my own problems. My "temp" rises, and in my own efforts, I can create damage. But I have recently been reminded that the only one who can really change the outcome of certain circumstances, is God (my antibiotic.)

Am I fighting the battle, or am I having God fight on my behalf? Am I trusting that the antibiotic will actually help? Or am I convinced that I can handle it on my own?

These are the thoughts that go through my mind when I think Vital! I need to remember how vital God is to my life. 

I am full of uncertainties.

I don't know where I am going to live in three weeks, I am going to be working with psyciatric patients, and I don't know where I am going to get the money to go to school. 

I am overwhelmed with all the options I have that are being presented to me, and confused by the fact that none of them have a concrete bottom.

I am tired beyond belief. And I can't fall asleep.

I am ceritan of only one thing. God is love. He knows what my tomorrow holds. He knows. He knows where I will rest my head in three weeks, and where I will rest it in three years. He knows. Why do I fret when I know him and I know that the God of the universe has this whole thing worked out? 

 

Lord please help me to rest in your arms toning. Help me know that you do know. 

I love you. Thank you for loving me even when I do not trust.

My first Photo Workshop with my Dear Mother!!

Home sick

Home is a wonderful place. 

Right now I am talking a place. I know that family is what really makes someplace home,

 but in all honosty, I miss a place. As I look through pictures that fill my photo library,

 most of those pictures are taken in Nevada County. 

I love it there. 

I love the small town, and I love the one thrift shop that had so many good deals. I love the back roads that twist and turn round and round, yet they all come out on the other side, right where you wanted to end up.

 I miss the beauty that the Lake brought. I miss enjoying the other peoples money that they put into their landscaping. I miss the pool, and playgrounds that bring me back to my swim team days. I miss the school down the street, with the basketball hoops that have touched my basketball so many times. I even miss how the tap water tastes. 

I miss my back yard, and the trees that would cry leaves every fall. 

I miss my Butterscotch cat. 

I knew how long it would take me to get to Grandmas house, 

minutes that would fit on one hand. 

I miss Junes Cafe and Deli.

 I miss Woodland Loop. Doesn't that name sound enchanted? 

Woodland Loop.

It feels like winter (finally)...

 The wind is blistery, and my whole being feels frozen in time (esp. my brain). I have so much I need to accomplish, and yet it seems impossible to grow/learn when the world is cold. 

Last night it was pouring rain, 

I needed to do something productive with my night,

 so I got my workout pants on and headed down to the little gym in the dorm.

 All the machines were full... 

this gym is extremely small, and though there were many machines that were open, 

the only three that work well were in use.

So plan B came to mind. I dropped my book off, and headed outside. 

The wind was extreme.

 The rain was marvoulus and I was on cloud 9.

 One of my favorite things to do is to run in the rain. (But I seem to forget this, when I start becoming frightened by the weather.) 

It saved my soul last night. 

It brought me life,

 and the Lord was close to

 me. 

Sparkles

I am at he coffee shop today to study my pharm! Yeah for days of leisure. (I am not even being sarcastic.) 

Anyway, I have decided that little children are so charming. I have seen so many different little people and each one of them has a magnetic effect on me. Is it because they are small and innocent? or because they have a twinkle that disappears as we grow up... I am not sure, but something happens as we become less of children and more respondsible. Does life just become too overwhelming to continue to sparkle anymore? 

We as Christians are suppose to give all our worries to  the Lord, so if we do that will we regain the sparkle that once filled our eyes? 

Any way, children make the world a better place. I am thankful even to see them around at the coffee shop. :)

Have a lovely day.